hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
