Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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