Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I yelled at your uterus for you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
