Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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