I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
