He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
