You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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