I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
