Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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