Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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