i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
