Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize