Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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