im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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