We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
