me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
