So drunk its hurt
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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