i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
