You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
