drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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