Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
