I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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