ya dads aren't the best wingmen
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
