i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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