i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Did I show you my penis last night?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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