Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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