She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
