i just wanna soil my oats bro
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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