i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
