you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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