I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
