Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
