the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
