Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
