that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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