Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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