This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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