My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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