Are we in a gay sports bar?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
