We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize