Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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