and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize