You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
