Plan B is the new Plan A
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
