I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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