u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
