oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So many bounce houses so little time
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
