6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
