you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
