You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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