Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
