i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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