My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
