Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
