Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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