So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
