WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
