Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
