It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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