he puts the penis in happiness.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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