True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
