hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
