This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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