just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
