look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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